My son Ollie was about two years old when it happened. He walked past the kitchen table, grabbed a tea towel the way toddlers do, and pulled a hot lasagna straight down onto himself.
It was terrifying. He was rushed to hospital. Thankfully, he was okay. He's now ten years old, healthy, happy, completely fine.
But he still will not eat lasagna.
Here's the thing: he'll eat pasta. He'll eat bolognese sauce. He'll eat mince, cheese, bechamel. Every single ingredient that makes up a lasagna. He just won't eat the lasagna itself.
"One moment at age two is still running his food choices at age ten. He's not making a conscious decision. He just knows, somewhere deep down, that lasagna is dangerous."
We All Have a Lasagna
I use this story because everyone has one. Maybe yours isn't food. Maybe yours is asking for the pay rise, starting the business, putting your hand up for the promotion, sending the pitch, having the hard conversation.
Maybe something happened once, years ago, and it told you that this particular thing is dangerous. So you've been eating around it ever since. Doing everything adjacent to it. Getting close, but never quite doing the thing itself.
You're not avoiding it consciously. You've just absorbed it as a truth: that thing is not safe for me.
The Problem With Carrying Old Stories
The moment that created the fear made complete sense at the time. If you failed publicly once, it makes sense that you'd be cautious about putting yourself out there again. If someone criticised your idea, it makes sense that you'd hesitate before sharing the next one.
But here's what happens: the experience becomes a rule. And the rule keeps operating long after the original reason for it has passed.
Ollie's lasagna can't hurt him anymore. But his brain never got the update.
What experience from your past is still running as a rule in your present?
"Fear is not a fact. It's a memory that forgot to check its expiry date."
How to Update the Rule
First, name it. What is the specific thing you've been eating around? Don't be vague. Get specific. "I avoid asking for money" or "I never speak up in meetings" or "I start things and never finish them."
Then trace it back. When did that rule get written? What happened? How old were you? Is that experience still relevant to who you are now?
In most cases, the answer is no. The lasagna cooled down a long time ago. You just haven't tried it again.
You are one micro-move away from a completely different outcome. Not a massive leap. Just one small action that tests the old rule and gives your brain new data.
Eat the lasagna. I promise it won't hurt you.
